Checked in Low Places

This song parody was inspired by the Transportation Safety Administration and their tyrannical viewpoints on whether or not humans still have rights in an airport. Sung to the tune of Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks.

Checked in Low Places

Blame it all on my roots
I didn’t take off my boots
And slowed down the security line
The last one to know
About the TSA show
I was the first one
To offer a scanner decline

And I saw the surprise
And the fear in her eyes
When I lifted my Utilikilt high
I flashed en masse
Said, honey, just let me pass
Get your cold hands off of my thigh

‘Cause I got checked in low places
Where the toolbag hangs
And the TSA chases my rights away
And I’m not okay
I’m not big in my private spaces
Made me drop my shorts down to my laces
Oh, I got checked in low places

Well, I guess I was wrong
In a tiger-striped thong
Some lady said I was disturbed
Everything’s all right
I’ll just pull up my tights
And I’ll show myself to the curb

Hey, I didn’t mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me some dignity back
I don’t think it was right
To make me miss my flight
Sayin’ that’s a dirty crack

‘Cause I got checked in low places
Where the toolbag hangs
And the TSA chases my rights away
And I’m not okay
I’m not big in private spaces
Made me drop my shorts down to my laces
Oh, I got checked in low places

The TSA was wrong
Their hands don’t belong
Where they’ve never been before
And nothing was alright
I held my sphincter tight
And now it’s going to be sore

I didn’t mean to cause a big scene
You put me in a room of frosted glass
Then sweet little lady
I’ll head back to the bar
The TSA can kiss my ass