Don’t Be That PASS Summit Guy

The SQL PASS Summit 2012 is just around the corner. Every year there are lots of first-timers attending. So many that PASS started a first-timers program linking new attendees with veterans who can mentor them in the PASS Summit experience. For may people, the networking aspect is just as big or bigger than the training. So guidance on how to make the most of their first year attending is very valuable.

Many attendees will also be first-timers to Seattle, WA, while many others only visit Seattle during the PASS Summit. As such, I have some advice for the non-veteran tourists in Seattle that will help you avoid being “that guy”. You know who “that guy” is. Every city has its share of tourists who make the same tired jokes that millions of other tourists make yet are convinced that they are the first person to think it up.

Here are the top 5 things you should avoid saying or doing to avoid being “that guy”:

1. Don’t comment on the rain. Yes, it rains 8 to 9 months out of the year here. We are aware of this fact. It’s hard to not notice it. We sometimes go weeks at a time without seeing the sun. Living with it induces depression. Hearing tourists talk about it induces rage.
2. Don’t comment on the lack of sunshine. Not exactly the same as the previous item, but very similar. 99% of the non-summer months are spent in one of two different weather patters: raining or almost raining. Overcast, gray, and dark are good days here. Deal with it silently. Are we depressed from the lack of sunshine, absolutely. This is probably why the Pacific Northwest is the national leader for use of methamphetamines and suicide. Don’t poke the beast.
3. Don’t make fun of the coffee stands. Yes, we have coffee stands on almost every corner. We literally have Starbucks on opposite sides of the street from each other. Probably, the nearest grocery store has a Starbucks inside and one in the parking lot. This is normal for Seattle. We have replaced sunshine with caffeine. One thing you won’t find here is a coffee stand with a “going out of business” sign on it. We have that many coffee stands because the demand for coffee supports that many. Is it a bad idea to give large quantities of caffeine to a highly depressed population? Probably. Don’t poke the beast!
4. Don’t comment on the traffic. Seattle has a traffic system designed to handle 100,000 people but we have more than 5 times that amount in the area. We know that it is bad and is affecting your ability to get places. We deal with it every day. Not just during the work hours or work week. It is bad 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Traffic is always a problem here. It fills us with rage. DON’T POKE THE BEAST!
5. Don’t talk about the cost of living. With the exception of LA or NY City, we have one of the highest costs of living in the country. Gas is higher, houses are higher, and everything else is higher. We know it, and we hate it. Blame the California people who keep buying up the land here because it is “so cheap”. If you want to see a depression-driven, espresso-fueled blind fury, just tell us how much you paid for your very large house where you come from. For the sake of your loved ones back home, do NOT poke the beast!

Can’t wait to see you there!